I am still miserable over what happened in Manchester, NH. I really did not think he cared about me one way or another...ok, actually I thought he hated me and for the life of me I could not figure out why he wanted to hug me. I still can't figure that out, really. But from his reaction, it apparently means something to him. I am so sorry he was hurt at all, much less that hurt.
I guess from now on I'll let him do his thing and not fight it. It's the only way not to hurt him and if he gets hurt, the rest do too. Won't do that. Not again.
Now I am sure there will be other things that happen, and other ways I screw up...but I hope it never gets to the point where we can not be friends again - that would hurt too much. But it's just not the same when things get like this, why can't I just be normal and be able to accept that hugging's just something folks do. Even if I hate it. I guess I don't have to control who touches me. If even the MacNeils just grab, maybe it's too much to ask.
At least Stewart and Lucy still make me feel safe.
I hope I will still be welcome around them.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
I can't even think of a title
I went to the Barra MacNeils show in New Hampshire yesterday...a day and a half of travel to there and all day today to get back ( I took a half day off because I did not go back to Philly with Anne, just to NYC.) By the time we got to the concert I had had 5 hours of sleep in the past 48 - most of that on a train. This was the first time in almost a year that I had seen them.
I went with Anne and Kristin and had a great time with them - the music was awesome and I had such a grand time singing with the Barras ( quietly - so no one else could hear) or watching Kyle play- I LOVE watching him play. It's simply awe-inspiring. I guess I don't show my enjoyment when I am tired tho' - Lucy told me later that I need to smile. More on that in a few seconds.
They played a few songs I didn't know before - but I caught on quickly at least to the choruses. I loved their version of "The 7 Joys of Mary" they called it "The 7 rejoices of Mary" and as always it was fantastic. Another favourite of mine was "The Holly Bears a Berry" - accapella I love why they do anything accapella. Oh heck - I like when they just talk, but this song sent chills up my spine, always does. They are amazing.
Like I said the show was fantastic. The after show not so much. I decidedly did not want to talk to them. I was exhausted and miserable physically, not emotionally, and still very much awed by Kyle and Stewart and I wanted just to be left alone. I asked Anne to get my cd signed and she said she would so I went and stood off to the side, by about 15 ft - not far enough.
Lucy saw me and called me over- so I went to see what she wanted and got talking. I asked her to give Stewart a hug for me. She said "You get over here and give him one yourself, he's right here." And he turned around and gave me a quck hug. I think he was as uncomfortable as I was with it. Now I will give Stewart a hug any time he wants one, no questions - he's the one person who has that right as far as I am concerned, he and only he. Kyle and Sheumas I will ask for one, every once in awhile and Boyd's never tried and I've only asked him once. Lucy gives the most comforting and comfortable hugs, I pretty much let her give hugs when she wants to -but never intiate them. But Stewart is special to me, I trust him like no other, for reasons I don't even fully understand, but I trust him. For me that's major. really major. And anyone who knows me knows that. I hope he does, too. Especialy after this week end.
Ryan, the second to youngest sibling is someone that I don't "get" - and he does not "get" me. I would love to get along with him better, but he and I didn't take together from the get go. He changed his mind about me about eighteen months ago - it was so shocking to me that I wrote about it here. Strangely it was the same weekend that Stewart and I had issues. Totally unrelated but it made Ryan's turnabout that much harder to accept. He's not a bad person, I think there is a really sweet man there, but we are just stuck on this wrong path and it bothers us both - I think.
But anyway. Last May, May of 2008 Anne and I went to a Celtic Fest in Chatham, NY and when Ryan saw me he walked up and grabbed me in a hug - I was not comfortable with it but hoped it was a one off. It was not and I've gotten less and less comfortable with it. I've never felt safe enough to say anything tho. Yeah, I have trust issues. No, I don't think any MacNeil would REALLY do anything I didn't want them too, but I was not sure how they - or I - would handle it.
Answer: Not well on anyone's part. It all came to a head this weekend. And Ryan ended up hurt and confused. Not what I wanted or anticipated.
After I spoke to Lucy, I went and talked to the menfolk as most were in a circle, chatting. I went and said hi and Ryan came over and tried to give me a hug. Stewart was behind me - and I took a step back and said "No!" and Ryan's face fell and he and looked so very hurt. and confused and shocked. And a few things I could not put words to. And they all looked very confused. All of them. Ryan had tears in his voice when he looked at Sheumas and said "what did I do wrong?" and Sheumas had no answer for him. I just told him. "Just no."
He looked so hurt, I wished I could take it back, but there was no going back. To his credit he did not push it. Nor did any of the rest of them. The left soon after and I talked to Lucy for a bit. It got personal and I love it that she feels safe enough with me to talk that openly. When she was leaving she told me that I "need to smile and hug people." And I told her "I am not the huggy type." and she looked like she did not believe it and Anne said "No, she's not. If she allows you to hug her it means you're really special to her." and Lucy siad "In that case I want another hug." and gave me one! LOL! She's ok tho and I am ok with her doing it.
I do hope she'll help Ryan. Things have to change there. If you read this keep them all in your prayers. And I hope he and I can start anew.
I asked Anne about Ryan's hugginess later and she said "he sees you hugging the others and feels since he's part of the family he can." Interesting boundry there.
Sigh. I hated seeing him that hurt and I hate that I was the one who did it to him. I hope he can forgive me.
I went with Anne and Kristin and had a great time with them - the music was awesome and I had such a grand time singing with the Barras ( quietly - so no one else could hear) or watching Kyle play- I LOVE watching him play. It's simply awe-inspiring. I guess I don't show my enjoyment when I am tired tho' - Lucy told me later that I need to smile. More on that in a few seconds.
They played a few songs I didn't know before - but I caught on quickly at least to the choruses. I loved their version of "The 7 Joys of Mary" they called it "The 7 rejoices of Mary" and as always it was fantastic. Another favourite of mine was "The Holly Bears a Berry" - accapella I love why they do anything accapella. Oh heck - I like when they just talk, but this song sent chills up my spine, always does. They are amazing.
Like I said the show was fantastic. The after show not so much. I decidedly did not want to talk to them. I was exhausted and miserable physically, not emotionally, and still very much awed by Kyle and Stewart and I wanted just to be left alone. I asked Anne to get my cd signed and she said she would so I went and stood off to the side, by about 15 ft - not far enough.
Lucy saw me and called me over- so I went to see what she wanted and got talking. I asked her to give Stewart a hug for me. She said "You get over here and give him one yourself, he's right here." And he turned around and gave me a quck hug. I think he was as uncomfortable as I was with it. Now I will give Stewart a hug any time he wants one, no questions - he's the one person who has that right as far as I am concerned, he and only he. Kyle and Sheumas I will ask for one, every once in awhile and Boyd's never tried and I've only asked him once. Lucy gives the most comforting and comfortable hugs, I pretty much let her give hugs when she wants to -but never intiate them. But Stewart is special to me, I trust him like no other, for reasons I don't even fully understand, but I trust him. For me that's major. really major. And anyone who knows me knows that. I hope he does, too. Especialy after this week end.
Ryan, the second to youngest sibling is someone that I don't "get" - and he does not "get" me. I would love to get along with him better, but he and I didn't take together from the get go. He changed his mind about me about eighteen months ago - it was so shocking to me that I wrote about it here. Strangely it was the same weekend that Stewart and I had issues. Totally unrelated but it made Ryan's turnabout that much harder to accept. He's not a bad person, I think there is a really sweet man there, but we are just stuck on this wrong path and it bothers us both - I think.
But anyway. Last May, May of 2008 Anne and I went to a Celtic Fest in Chatham, NY and when Ryan saw me he walked up and grabbed me in a hug - I was not comfortable with it but hoped it was a one off. It was not and I've gotten less and less comfortable with it. I've never felt safe enough to say anything tho. Yeah, I have trust issues. No, I don't think any MacNeil would REALLY do anything I didn't want them too, but I was not sure how they - or I - would handle it.
Answer: Not well on anyone's part. It all came to a head this weekend. And Ryan ended up hurt and confused. Not what I wanted or anticipated.
After I spoke to Lucy, I went and talked to the menfolk as most were in a circle, chatting. I went and said hi and Ryan came over and tried to give me a hug. Stewart was behind me - and I took a step back and said "No!" and Ryan's face fell and he and looked so very hurt. and confused and shocked. And a few things I could not put words to. And they all looked very confused. All of them. Ryan had tears in his voice when he looked at Sheumas and said "what did I do wrong?" and Sheumas had no answer for him. I just told him. "Just no."
He looked so hurt, I wished I could take it back, but there was no going back. To his credit he did not push it. Nor did any of the rest of them. The left soon after and I talked to Lucy for a bit. It got personal and I love it that she feels safe enough with me to talk that openly. When she was leaving she told me that I "need to smile and hug people." And I told her "I am not the huggy type." and she looked like she did not believe it and Anne said "No, she's not. If she allows you to hug her it means you're really special to her." and Lucy siad "In that case I want another hug." and gave me one! LOL! She's ok tho and I am ok with her doing it.
I do hope she'll help Ryan. Things have to change there. If you read this keep them all in your prayers. And I hope he and I can start anew.
I asked Anne about Ryan's hugginess later and she said "he sees you hugging the others and feels since he's part of the family he can." Interesting boundry there.
Sigh. I hated seeing him that hurt and I hate that I was the one who did it to him. I hope he can forgive me.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
I was actually proud of the Nephew on Thanksgiving.
So after Thanksgiving dinner mom, nephew, SIL, and two aunts were sitting around talking while the rest of the men folk were in another room. Mom asked nephew what he wanted to do about Christmas and he said "I like when we draw names for a big gift and do little ones for everyone else."
Mom said "I thought you couldn't afford that since GF is not working and her family is so big" Nephew replied "I am the one working, if she wants to worry about her family she can get a job ( she can't waitress but she can do other things but won't) "
I was so glad he seems to be ready finally to stand up to the bitch. Honestly if she's going to be here for it and now she's making noises about being here "to keep nephew in line" Such a treat she is.
Mom said "I thought you couldn't afford that since GF is not working and her family is so big" Nephew replied "I am the one working, if she wants to worry about her family she can get a job ( she can't waitress but she can do other things but won't) "
I was so glad he seems to be ready finally to stand up to the bitch. Honestly if she's going to be here for it and now she's making noises about being here "to keep nephew in line" Such a treat she is.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Just one more nail in the "coffin"
Nephew's live in GF was in an accident in August - still is not working, but she says her family expects gifts and there are a LOT of them, so since he is supporting her there is not enough money for gifts for our family - since he won't be giving, he does not want to be given ( fair enough since he is asking) but there is now a discussion as to whether or not it's fair to him to have the rest of us exchange.
We've always exchanged gifts between the family - mom tried to institute a name draw instead, but we still exchanged smaller gifts between us. The name draw was you buy the person whose name you drew a gift of at least $50. And then the gifts we gave the others were smaller - $25 or less. Nephew won't be participating at all - and will only be buying for those he absolutely has to - his parents and my mom. That means his uncle, myself and his great-aunt are left out. ( Yet everyone on HER very large side will be gifted - on his dime.)
Nephew says he'll feel bad if he has to watch others open gifts and not have any - so the rest of us should neither give or receive any. And the GF won't even be here.
Personally I think they are both acting like controlling little weasels and spoiled brats. And I have no intention of not giving gifts because the two of them want to control the holiday. I like giving gifts, I like getting gifts and I'll be damned if I left someone dictate what I can do. It's my holiday, too. And since when does a GF get to determine what the older generations of her BF's family are allowed to do? If he does not want to get or give fine - but the should make no never mind to what the rest of us do.
I have hated this bitch since she first came over and raided our fridge - taking the most expensive thing she could find, something that happened to be my lunch for the coming week and ate it all. That feeling increased when I picked them up at the hospital - at 11pm and she yelled ( yes, YELLED) at me for the entire half hour ride home because I slowed down for pot holes and bumps - because she was in a neck brace and I didn't want to jar her - apparently that made me a bad driver and a "bitch" , when I caught her in my dresser drawer grabbing "supplies" - it didn't make me like her anymmore, ect ad nauseum. But you know I think this is the final nail - and she won't even be at our celebration - she'll be with HER family.
But apparently *I* am unreasonable. Yup, final nail there.
We've always exchanged gifts between the family - mom tried to institute a name draw instead, but we still exchanged smaller gifts between us. The name draw was you buy the person whose name you drew a gift of at least $50. And then the gifts we gave the others were smaller - $25 or less. Nephew won't be participating at all - and will only be buying for those he absolutely has to - his parents and my mom. That means his uncle, myself and his great-aunt are left out. ( Yet everyone on HER very large side will be gifted - on his dime.)
Nephew says he'll feel bad if he has to watch others open gifts and not have any - so the rest of us should neither give or receive any. And the GF won't even be here.
Personally I think they are both acting like controlling little weasels and spoiled brats. And I have no intention of not giving gifts because the two of them want to control the holiday. I like giving gifts, I like getting gifts and I'll be damned if I left someone dictate what I can do. It's my holiday, too. And since when does a GF get to determine what the older generations of her BF's family are allowed to do? If he does not want to get or give fine - but the should make no never mind to what the rest of us do.
I have hated this bitch since she first came over and raided our fridge - taking the most expensive thing she could find, something that happened to be my lunch for the coming week and ate it all. That feeling increased when I picked them up at the hospital - at 11pm and she yelled ( yes, YELLED) at me for the entire half hour ride home because I slowed down for pot holes and bumps - because she was in a neck brace and I didn't want to jar her - apparently that made me a bad driver and a "bitch" , when I caught her in my dresser drawer grabbing "supplies" - it didn't make me like her anymmore, ect ad nauseum. But you know I think this is the final nail - and she won't even be at our celebration - she'll be with HER family.
But apparently *I* am unreasonable. Yup, final nail there.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A Pittance of Time
It may not be Veteran's day any more but the message of this song is still relevant.
And the story behind the song:
On November 11, 1999 Terry Kelly was in a Shoppers Drug Mart store in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. At 10:55 AM an announcement came over the store's PA asking customers who would still be on the premises at 11:00 AM to give two minutes of silence in respect to the veterans who have sacrificed so much for us.
Terry was impressed with the store's leadership role in adopting the Legion's "two minutes of silence" initiative. He felt that the store's contribution of educating the public to the importance of remembering was commendable.
When eleven o'clock arrived on that day, an announcement was again made asking for the "two minutes of silence" to commence. All customers, with the exception of a man who was accompanied by his young child, showed their respect.
Terry's anger towards the father for trying to engage the store's clerk in conversation and for setting a bad example for his child was later channeled into a beautiful piece of work called, "A Pittance of Time". Terry later recorded "A Pittance of Time" and included it on his full-length music CD, "The Power of the Dream". (From Terry Kelly's website )
May we never forget and may we always be grateful.
And the story behind the song:
On November 11, 1999 Terry Kelly was in a Shoppers Drug Mart store in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. At 10:55 AM an announcement came over the store's PA asking customers who would still be on the premises at 11:00 AM to give two minutes of silence in respect to the veterans who have sacrificed so much for us.
Terry was impressed with the store's leadership role in adopting the Legion's "two minutes of silence" initiative. He felt that the store's contribution of educating the public to the importance of remembering was commendable.
When eleven o'clock arrived on that day, an announcement was again made asking for the "two minutes of silence" to commence. All customers, with the exception of a man who was accompanied by his young child, showed their respect.
Terry's anger towards the father for trying to engage the store's clerk in conversation and for setting a bad example for his child was later channeled into a beautiful piece of work called, "A Pittance of Time". Terry later recorded "A Pittance of Time" and included it on his full-length music CD, "The Power of the Dream". (From Terry Kelly's website )
May we never forget and may we always be grateful.
Friday, October 23, 2009
a quote of my own that I like
Heck, it's my blog - I'll be vain if I want. This was part of a discussion on facebook about this quote of Lewis Carroll:
Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.- Lewis Carroll
My response was.
We live in a world of impossible things - born from the dreams of others. Perhaps our world would be better if we all relearned to dream and believe. Andi Andrzejewski
I like that, I believe that, now just how to live it.
My response was.
We live in a world of impossible things - born from the dreams of others. Perhaps our world would be better if we all relearned to dream and believe. Andi Andrzejewski
I like that, I believe that, now just how to live it.
Monday, October 19, 2009
The Four Great Wishes prayer
How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were to abide in equanimity, free of bias, attachment and anger. May they abide in this way. I shall cause them to abide in this way. Guru-deity, please inspire me to be able to do so.
How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings had happiness and its causes. May they have these. I shall cause them to have these. Guru-deity, please inspire me to be able to do so.
How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were free from suffering and its causes. May they be free. I shall cause them to be free. Guru-deity, please inspire me to be able to do so.
How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were never parted from upper rebirth and liberation's excellent bliss. May they never be parted. I shall cause them never to be parted. Guru-deity, please inspire me to be able to do so.
Nice wishes. May we all strive to make them so.
How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings had happiness and its causes. May they have these. I shall cause them to have these. Guru-deity, please inspire me to be able to do so.
How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were free from suffering and its causes. May they be free. I shall cause them to be free. Guru-deity, please inspire me to be able to do so.
How wonderful it would be if all sentient beings were never parted from upper rebirth and liberation's excellent bliss. May they never be parted. I shall cause them never to be parted. Guru-deity, please inspire me to be able to do so.
Nice wishes. May we all strive to make them so.
In the vein of "No good deed goes unpunished"
I run a Secret Santa type thing for a message board that I am on. And every year there's one who decides to cause trouble.
This year it's been Robin. Now Robin has been around for years. She's seen it go on before...and she doesn't read the rules. This year she waited for the last three hours to contact me, and did it via PM. I have stated - in those rules she didn't read - that I don't read PM's twice. She then flipped out and decided AFTER the exchange had closed that she could not get the email to work. AFTER the exchange had closed.
Then she proceeded to argue with me about how the exchange is conducted, how the rules are constructed, ect, and ad nauseum. And when she did not get her way _ which was a wholesale change of the way things are done and being let in after the emails had gone out. Which would have demanded that everyone disregard their first partners and we all wait til we got her info - and I spent time redoing the pair ups and then resending them.
Entitlement at it's finest.
She got the email to work - again after the exchange was closed and sent me an email there. And told me how I need to post the rules, and how I need to respond to her - even in violation of those rules.
Can anyone say "Special Snowflake"?
She's taking all the fun of the exchange for me. This may well be the last one I do.
I've asked Nico to delete the argumentative posts as after Robin didn't get what she wanted she started deleting her posts. Very mature there. The woman is a nutter and I am sorry I've ever dealt with her. Now just to find a way to ban her forever.
This year it's been Robin. Now Robin has been around for years. She's seen it go on before...and she doesn't read the rules. This year she waited for the last three hours to contact me, and did it via PM. I have stated - in those rules she didn't read - that I don't read PM's twice. She then flipped out and decided AFTER the exchange had closed that she could not get the email to work. AFTER the exchange had closed.
Then she proceeded to argue with me about how the exchange is conducted, how the rules are constructed, ect, and ad nauseum. And when she did not get her way _ which was a wholesale change of the way things are done and being let in after the emails had gone out. Which would have demanded that everyone disregard their first partners and we all wait til we got her info - and I spent time redoing the pair ups and then resending them.
Entitlement at it's finest.
She got the email to work - again after the exchange was closed and sent me an email there. And told me how I need to post the rules, and how I need to respond to her - even in violation of those rules.
Can anyone say "Special Snowflake"?
She's taking all the fun of the exchange for me. This may well be the last one I do.
I've asked Nico to delete the argumentative posts as after Robin didn't get what she wanted she started deleting her posts. Very mature there. The woman is a nutter and I am sorry I've ever dealt with her. Now just to find a way to ban her forever.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
IF you don't understand what you are talking about....
Don't post about for all the world to see, and for God's sake don't post a Facebook Poll about it!
There is a facebook poll asking if you've read the ENTIRE US Constitution in the last ten years. And the three choices are "Yes,I know the 1st ammendment refers to Congress, not me!", "No, I can say anything I damned well please", and "Isn't that the same thing as the Declaration of Independence.
One of the CDN guys I know has posted "and I am not even American......" and he voted "Yes,I know the 1st ammendment refers to Congress, not me!", "No, I can say anything I damned well please"
My response to him was "X - the Amendment you refer to is part of the bill of rights. The part of the Constitution that protects the rights of the people from the Government. It essentially says that Congress can not take away the right to freedom of speech from the people of the US. It protects us from government censorship, along with several other things. Rather than limiting citizens rights - it limits the "rights" of the government. The way in which it pertains to congress is that it limits what congress can do. Folks can indeed say what they want - as long as they are willing to pay the social consequences of what they say."
There was so much more I wanted to say But couldn't there.
So I am going to try and respond here - for my own sanity.
This is one of the most powerful laws in our Country, not only does it tell the government that it can not stop folks from saying what they want - even if it's critical of the goverment, it also tells the government that it can not establish a state religion, can not stop folks from peaceable assembly - in other words if it's not a riot, treasonous, or inciting a riot, it's the people's right to do so, and it tells the government it is not absolute- that if the people don't like it, they can tell the government so and that the government IS accountable to the people. That's what "redress of grievances" is. We have the right to petition the governement to fix wrongs with out fear of governmental reprisals.
And we have several ways to do this, voting, law suits against the governements, contacting our Congressional representatives, ect, ect. This last bit the "right to petiontion the government" is one of the most forgotten, yet most powerful rights we have. In fact on it - almost every other Civil Right rests.
There is a facebook poll asking if you've read the ENTIRE US Constitution in the last ten years. And the three choices are "Yes,I know the 1st ammendment refers to Congress, not me!", "No, I can say anything I damned well please", and "Isn't that the same thing as the Declaration of Independence.
One of the CDN guys I know has posted "and I am not even American......" and he voted "Yes,I know the 1st ammendment refers to Congress, not me!", "No, I can say anything I damned well please"
My response to him was "X - the Amendment you refer to is part of the bill of rights. The part of the Constitution that protects the rights of the people from the Government. It essentially says that Congress can not take away the right to freedom of speech from the people of the US. It protects us from government censorship, along with several other things. Rather than limiting citizens rights - it limits the "rights" of the government. The way in which it pertains to congress is that it limits what congress can do. Folks can indeed say what they want - as long as they are willing to pay the social consequences of what they say."
There was so much more I wanted to say But couldn't there.
So I am going to try and respond here - for my own sanity.
This is one of the most powerful laws in our Country, not only does it tell the government that it can not stop folks from saying what they want - even if it's critical of the goverment, it also tells the government that it can not establish a state religion, can not stop folks from peaceable assembly - in other words if it's not a riot, treasonous, or inciting a riot, it's the people's right to do so, and it tells the government it is not absolute- that if the people don't like it, they can tell the government so and that the government IS accountable to the people. That's what "redress of grievances" is. We have the right to petition the governement to fix wrongs with out fear of governmental reprisals.
And we have several ways to do this, voting, law suits against the governements, contacting our Congressional representatives, ect, ect. This last bit the "right to petiontion the government" is one of the most forgotten, yet most powerful rights we have. In fact on it - almost every other Civil Right rests.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
My "road trip" today.
Engine No. 18 in Arcade, NY. Part of the Arcade and Attica Railroad. It's a "tourist attraction" in Arcade, NY - about 30-45 minutes out of Buffalo. I am not sure how many tourist types go on it, but we locals have fond memories of riding it as children - I want to go again as an adult. Why should the kiddies have all the fun?
Honestly - I think if I got the chance I would drive the engineer batty with questions. I love trains, love, love, love them. And I have so many questions about them - old and new. I could spend a lifetime learning about them - and still not have enough info. I want to buy a house near a railroad. The sound of trains rolling by is so soothing to me. The closer to them - the better. Especially at night. I can fall asleep so much easier listening to them.
But anyhow- the trip to Arcade today was kind of spontaneous. Trish wanted wild flowers, I wanted out of the city so away we went. I was aiming for Warsaw but we ended up checking out the railroad instead. It was so nice to smell FRESH air rather than the city air we normally smell, as Trish lives in the innercity and the air there just does not smell the same. And small towns have a totally different "feel" than the city as we all know. It was so nice to walk into shops and be greeted pleasantly rather than ignored. And the roadside fruit and veggie stands were great!
We got farm fresh peaches and one place had tomatoes by the bushel. I want to go back get some so Trish and I can can some. I'll bet they'll taste great in soups and stews this winter if we do. I can't wait for it to cool off enough to make soup again!
I enjoyed myself so much today. I can't wait to do the small town trip again. Where ever it takes us.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
More work shit and why I will never go out of my way for folks again
I am on a 30 day probation at work for, well mostly for crying at work when frustrated. They call it "abusive to the participants".
Well let me tell you what brought those tears on. First was the whole incident in my post on August 9th - you can read about it there. And the very next Thursday I had a run in with the CEO of the company. Why? Because I made a mistake and grabbed her Taco Salad. Here's how it went.
I ordered my lunch early in the day and Wednesday they forgot to make it for me. So Thursday I walked into the kitchen when I was ready to eat and asked "did you make my lunch" and got the reply from K - who was standing in back of a taco salad said "yes, it's right here." So I walked back and snagged the one she was standing by. Sounds Logical, right? Except there is very little Logic ( or even logic) to be had there. Not 10 seconds later CEO comes out and starts yelling that was hers, and she paid for it - did I even pay for mine? In front of participants - at least 6 of them that I know and likely more. She completely dressed me down in front of folks and then walked away.
I didn't eat then, and walked out of the cafeteria in tears. and went and cried outside for a half hour, got up washed my face and went to the work room - where J was. J decided it would be a good idea to start with me again and I burst into tears again. Grand.
So I spent the following Thursday in the other K's office being told what a schmuck I am and that I apparently undercut the supervisors by telling them no - usually in demands of my time when I don't have it to give ( I do have certain times I have to do my actual job and if you want me to do stuff during those times the answer is no) , my supplies that they have no right to and/or my talents to teach folks crafts on my lunch. And as far as I am concerned they have no rights to the last two. Teaching crafts at any time is not part of my job description, but in this place it would also be me buying the craft supplies for this "project". Not their right to demand.
BUT I apparently have no right to say no to this. Oh, well, it ain't happening even if they fire me for doing so.
Just another reason I need a new job.
Now the rest of the title - Why I am never going out of my way again.
Last week end Anne and I and several others from the OKP decided we were going to the Great Big Sea concert in TO. Anne and I together. Helen from Colorado and several others that I don't know from various points of The US by themselves and there was a discussion of meeting up at the show.
Well life happens and it did last weekend in the form of Hurricane Bill. It shut down JFK, LaGuardia and Newark Airports for a bit on Friday and stranded Helen and another person, Renata.
Helen posted in FB about not being able to rent a car and I told her to get here I'd put her up for the night and she could go early Saturday. Well due to the She was booked on a confirmed flight at 11am Saturday and should have been in Buffalo about 1pm - no problem right? well, not so much. She got on standby for an earlier flight and they took her off the list for the 11 am flight. She never got on the earlier flight. She called me in tears at 7:30 and was telling me about it when she heard a call for a flight to Rochester, NY boarding then. I mean right then. As we spoke. She got on that flight and called me when she got there - trying to find a way down.
In the mean time I called Trish and asked her to drive up with me to fetch her. When Helen called she was trying to get a bus down to Buffalo and I told her to stay put we were going to come get her. It was a 60+ mile trip each way and Helen was thrilled or at least she acted the part well.
We got back at about 3 and met up with Anne who was already at my house.
While waiting for Helen to get to Rochester another person popped up as being Stranded in Buffalo, Renata. She was to get to Buffalo Airport ( 5 min from my house) at 5:30pm -concert at 8- no problem right? TO's only 90 miles away and I can and have done it in under 2.5 hours, most Buffaloians can. Works in theory.
What happened is practice is that we had two of the most entitled, self centered, self absorbed riders ever.
We picked up Renata and were on our way - traffic at the bridge was with us as were all the traffic gods and a "Good Strong Wind" - but not the attitudes of the folks in back. They had a discussion about how we "Could drop them off at their hotel so Renata could shower and we could leave them there so we would not be inconvienced even more"
Neither asked US how we felt about it and when I protested that I wanted to see the opening band, Spirit Of The West (SOTW), a fantastic band and one of my favourites, they told me "Renata needs a shower" in a tone of voice that said "How dare you." and "you're just the driver, so shut up and drive." I shot a look to Anne and she was no happier than I. But we could not drop them in the middle of the road and let them walk. So we took them - the hotel was another half hour out of the way. So we missed seeing SOTW when we could have been there for the entire show had it not been for our being nice to stranded folks. When we dropped them off at the hotel,
Helen at least said "thanks" Renata not at all.
Never again will I go out of my way for people like that.
Well let me tell you what brought those tears on. First was the whole incident in my post on August 9th - you can read about it there. And the very next Thursday I had a run in with the CEO of the company. Why? Because I made a mistake and grabbed her Taco Salad. Here's how it went.
I ordered my lunch early in the day and Wednesday they forgot to make it for me. So Thursday I walked into the kitchen when I was ready to eat and asked "did you make my lunch" and got the reply from K - who was standing in back of a taco salad said "yes, it's right here." So I walked back and snagged the one she was standing by. Sounds Logical, right? Except there is very little Logic ( or even logic) to be had there. Not 10 seconds later CEO comes out and starts yelling that was hers, and she paid for it - did I even pay for mine? In front of participants - at least 6 of them that I know and likely more. She completely dressed me down in front of folks and then walked away.
I didn't eat then, and walked out of the cafeteria in tears. and went and cried outside for a half hour, got up washed my face and went to the work room - where J was. J decided it would be a good idea to start with me again and I burst into tears again. Grand.
So I spent the following Thursday in the other K's office being told what a schmuck I am and that I apparently undercut the supervisors by telling them no - usually in demands of my time when I don't have it to give ( I do have certain times I have to do my actual job and if you want me to do stuff during those times the answer is no) , my supplies that they have no right to and/or my talents to teach folks crafts on my lunch. And as far as I am concerned they have no rights to the last two. Teaching crafts at any time is not part of my job description, but in this place it would also be me buying the craft supplies for this "project". Not their right to demand.
BUT I apparently have no right to say no to this. Oh, well, it ain't happening even if they fire me for doing so.
Just another reason I need a new job.
Now the rest of the title - Why I am never going out of my way again.
Last week end Anne and I and several others from the OKP decided we were going to the Great Big Sea concert in TO. Anne and I together. Helen from Colorado and several others that I don't know from various points of The US by themselves and there was a discussion of meeting up at the show.
Well life happens and it did last weekend in the form of Hurricane Bill. It shut down JFK, LaGuardia and Newark Airports for a bit on Friday and stranded Helen and another person, Renata.
Helen posted in FB about not being able to rent a car and I told her to get here I'd put her up for the night and she could go early Saturday. Well due to the She was booked on a confirmed flight at 11am Saturday and should have been in Buffalo about 1pm - no problem right? well, not so much. She got on standby for an earlier flight and they took her off the list for the 11 am flight. She never got on the earlier flight. She called me in tears at 7:30 and was telling me about it when she heard a call for a flight to Rochester, NY boarding then. I mean right then. As we spoke. She got on that flight and called me when she got there - trying to find a way down.
In the mean time I called Trish and asked her to drive up with me to fetch her. When Helen called she was trying to get a bus down to Buffalo and I told her to stay put we were going to come get her. It was a 60+ mile trip each way and Helen was thrilled or at least she acted the part well.
We got back at about 3 and met up with Anne who was already at my house.
While waiting for Helen to get to Rochester another person popped up as being Stranded in Buffalo, Renata. She was to get to Buffalo Airport ( 5 min from my house) at 5:30pm -concert at 8- no problem right? TO's only 90 miles away and I can and have done it in under 2.5 hours, most Buffaloians can. Works in theory.
What happened is practice is that we had two of the most entitled, self centered, self absorbed riders ever.
We picked up Renata and were on our way - traffic at the bridge was with us as were all the traffic gods and a "Good Strong Wind" - but not the attitudes of the folks in back. They had a discussion about how we "Could drop them off at their hotel so Renata could shower and we could leave them there so we would not be inconvienced even more"
Neither asked US how we felt about it and when I protested that I wanted to see the opening band, Spirit Of The West (SOTW), a fantastic band and one of my favourites, they told me "Renata needs a shower" in a tone of voice that said "How dare you." and "you're just the driver, so shut up and drive." I shot a look to Anne and she was no happier than I. But we could not drop them in the middle of the road and let them walk. So we took them - the hotel was another half hour out of the way. So we missed seeing SOTW when we could have been there for the entire show had it not been for our being nice to stranded folks. When we dropped them off at the hotel,
Helen at least said "thanks" Renata not at all.
Never again will I go out of my way for people like that.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I justs keeps getting "Better"
More work crap. I have been going out of my way to help the Supervisor whose room I am in, in between shifts in the Cafeteria. I help with her work, know part of it better than she does and spend my lunch in her room - most often with out eating because it makes it harder on her to keep one of her participants in the room. It also helps with another who like to make her miserable, telling her that he doesn't like her, will not be "good" until his last supervisor comes back, ect.
She is the type that takes everything personally, and as a reflection of her worth. She is currently in a onesided but ferocious power struggle with another staff member because - from what I can tell the other person offered her some advice she does not like and because so many out right love the other staffer (OS). The Supervisor had made statements to me that "the Supervisor runs the room" and that I "wouldn't be here if it weren't for" her. And twisted statements that OS supposedly said. She's accused OS of wanting to take control of the room - OS was offered the room before Supervisor was even hired. She does not want it or any room. OS is in the position she WANTS to be in. I know she's been offered three rooms and refused each time. Supervisor has accused OS of a breech of ethics because she let the Former Supervisor (FS) call OS's cell and talk to the participants. This was arranged to help one participant accept that FS is NOT coming back and does not want to. It was not done to upset the room, Supervisor, or the participant in question.
The participant in question called FS and asked her to come in. FS did - I spoke to her before she came in and she told me she was doing it with the intention of showing Participant that she's still around, very happy and of telling him she's not coming back in person. She had hoped that this would help participant accept and warm up to Supervisor.
The upshot of all of this is that OS is now out of Supervisor's room - she previously had been there daily- and Supervisor spent Monday telling me about how hard her life has been, that no one goes out of their way for her, that we need to realize she's in charge, yadda, yadda fucking yadda.
Another angle in all of this is that I decorated her room and another with a set of the sign language posters that I made for the cafeteria. That's three sets. mostly from my own money ( they paid for the lamination and the final copying after I enlarged and printed the first sets at home) at bare minimum I spent $50.00 of my own money on supplies. I had some of the red and blue construction paper left over - Supervisor asked yesterday if she "could use" it for her bulletin board. I told her no, as I really don't see why I should provide anything more for this place out of pocket.
She's ticked that I said no and this morning she would not look at me, speak to me or even be at the same desk as me. I pulled her out in the hall and asked her what's up and she told me she's fine but not here to make friends, yada, yada fucking yada.
Honestly - I think I've figured out why folks don't go out of their way for her.
She is the type that takes everything personally, and as a reflection of her worth. She is currently in a onesided but ferocious power struggle with another staff member because - from what I can tell the other person offered her some advice she does not like and because so many out right love the other staffer (OS). The Supervisor had made statements to me that "the Supervisor runs the room" and that I "wouldn't be here if it weren't for" her. And twisted statements that OS supposedly said. She's accused OS of wanting to take control of the room - OS was offered the room before Supervisor was even hired. She does not want it or any room. OS is in the position she WANTS to be in. I know she's been offered three rooms and refused each time. Supervisor has accused OS of a breech of ethics because she let the Former Supervisor (FS) call OS's cell and talk to the participants. This was arranged to help one participant accept that FS is NOT coming back and does not want to. It was not done to upset the room, Supervisor, or the participant in question.
The participant in question called FS and asked her to come in. FS did - I spoke to her before she came in and she told me she was doing it with the intention of showing Participant that she's still around, very happy and of telling him she's not coming back in person. She had hoped that this would help participant accept and warm up to Supervisor.
The upshot of all of this is that OS is now out of Supervisor's room - she previously had been there daily- and Supervisor spent Monday telling me about how hard her life has been, that no one goes out of their way for her, that we need to realize she's in charge, yadda, yadda fucking yadda.
Another angle in all of this is that I decorated her room and another with a set of the sign language posters that I made for the cafeteria. That's three sets. mostly from my own money ( they paid for the lamination and the final copying after I enlarged and printed the first sets at home) at bare minimum I spent $50.00 of my own money on supplies. I had some of the red and blue construction paper left over - Supervisor asked yesterday if she "could use" it for her bulletin board. I told her no, as I really don't see why I should provide anything more for this place out of pocket.
She's ticked that I said no and this morning she would not look at me, speak to me or even be at the same desk as me. I pulled her out in the hall and asked her what's up and she told me she's fine but not here to make friends, yada, yada fucking yada.
Honestly - I think I've figured out why folks don't go out of their way for her.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I might make more. Right. In their dreams.
I spent about an hour or so at work in tears. literally could not stop crying.
I work with developmentally disabled adults and when I started I was told that they wanted us to "share our passions and interests" and that they wanted the workshop decorated. Great thing to tell a fibre artist and carfter, right?
Well I was dumb enough to take them at their word and spent the last few months creating, from scratch, posters of the individual letters of the sign language alphabet, I matted them, laminated them and then mounted them on the cafeteria wall. Not really fancy but it was an educational tool to teach our folks a bit more sign language, even if it was only to be able to spell their names to out deaf population.
Yesterday I saw one of our participants taking them down. Just standing on a chair, ripping them off the wall. So I wrote him up - and figured he'd be told to keep his hands off what does not belong to him - especially since he has a history of vandalism.
Today I got pulled into an office and told that I "had to make it right for X." And that his mom was "irate" because he was "accused" So, he gets away with it and I have to fix the things he destroyed. And that I need to "Build a positive relationship with X, because he did not do this to you. It wasn't a personal attack or anything. Don't take it so hard."
I actually got a lecture about how "It's not anything against you and you should not be upset that the posters were damaged. It's not like it was aimed at you. yada,yada,yada. "
I hate my job right now. Oh and the kicker is - they actually want me to continue decorating things around the facility and are upset with me because I said no. Sigh. Why are the non creative folks so dense?
I work with developmentally disabled adults and when I started I was told that they wanted us to "share our passions and interests" and that they wanted the workshop decorated. Great thing to tell a fibre artist and carfter, right?
Well I was dumb enough to take them at their word and spent the last few months creating, from scratch, posters of the individual letters of the sign language alphabet, I matted them, laminated them and then mounted them on the cafeteria wall. Not really fancy but it was an educational tool to teach our folks a bit more sign language, even if it was only to be able to spell their names to out deaf population.
Yesterday I saw one of our participants taking them down. Just standing on a chair, ripping them off the wall. So I wrote him up - and figured he'd be told to keep his hands off what does not belong to him - especially since he has a history of vandalism.
Today I got pulled into an office and told that I "had to make it right for X." And that his mom was "irate" because he was "accused" So, he gets away with it and I have to fix the things he destroyed. And that I need to "Build a positive relationship with X, because he did not do this to you. It wasn't a personal attack or anything. Don't take it so hard."
I actually got a lecture about how "It's not anything against you and you should not be upset that the posters were damaged. It's not like it was aimed at you. yada,yada,yada. "
I hate my job right now. Oh and the kicker is - they actually want me to continue decorating things around the facility and are upset with me because I said no. Sigh. Why are the non creative folks so dense?
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Just so we never forget the sacrafice of soldiers and why we need to support the troops.
This is for all the kids born in the 70's who do
Not remember, and didn't have to bear the
Burden that our fathers, mothers and older
Brothers and sisters had to bear.
Jane Fonda is being honored as one of the
"100 Women of the Century."
BY BARBRA WALTERS
Unfortunately, many have forgotten and still
countless others have never known how Ms.
Fonda betrayed not only the idea of our country,
but specific men who served and sacrificed
During Vietnam .
The first part of this is fro m an F-4E pilot
The pilot's name is Jerry Driscoll , a River Rat.
In 1968, the former Commandant of the USAF Survival School
was a POW in the Ho Lo Prison, the "Hanoi Hilton.
!
Dragged from a stinking cesspit of a cell,
cleaned, fed, and dressed in clean PJ's, he was
ordered to describe for a visiting American
"Peace Activist" the "lenient and humane
treatment" he'd received.
He spat at Ms. Fonda , was clubbed, and was
Dragged away.
During the subsequent beating, he fell forward
on to the camp Commandant 's feet, which
sent that officer berserk.
In 1978, the Air Force Colonel still suffered from
double vision (which permanently ended his
flying career) from the Commandant's frenzied
application of a wooden baton.
From 1963-65, Col. Larry Carrigan was in the
47FW/DO (F-4E's). He spent 6 years in the
"Hanoi Hilton", the first three of which his
family only knew he was "missing in action".
His wife lived on faith that he was still alive.
His group, too, got the cleaned-up, fed and
clothed routine in preparation for a
"peace delegation" visit.
They, however, had time and devised a plan to
get word to the world that they were alive
and still survived. Each man secreted a tiny
piece of paper, with his Social Security Number
on i t, in the palm of his hand.
When paraded before Ms. Fonda and a
cameraman, she walked the line, shaking each
man's hand and asking little encouraging
snippets like: "Aren't you sorry you bombed
babies?" and "Are you grateful for the humane
treatment from your benevolent captors?"
Believing this HAD to be an act, they each
palmed her their sliver of paper.
She took them all without missing a beat. At the
end of the line and once the camera stopped
rolling, to the shocked disbelief of the POWs,
she turned to the officer in charge and handed
him all the little pieces of paper.
Three men died from the subsequent beatings.
Colonel Carrigan was almost number four
but he survived, which is the only reason we
know of her actions that day.
I was a civilian economic development advisor
in Vietnam , and was captured by the North
Vietnamese communists in South Vietnam in
1968, and held prisoner for over 5 years.
I spent 27 months in solitary confinement; one
year in a cage in Cambodia ; and one year
in a "black box" in Hanoi
My North Vietnamese captors deliberately
poisoned and murdered a female missionary, a
nurse in a leprosarium in Ban me Thuot, South
Vietnam , whom I buried in the jungle near the
Cambodian border.
At one time, I weighed only about 90 lbs.
(My normal weight is 170 lbs.)
We were Jane Fonda 's "war criminals."
When Ja! ne Fonda was in Hanoi , I was asked by
the camp communist political officer if I would
be willing to meet with her.
I said yes, for I wanted to tell her about the real
treatment we POWs received... And how
different it was from the treatment purported by
the North Vietnamese, and parroted by her as
"humane and lenient."
Because of this, I spent three days on a rocky
floor on my knees, with my arms outstretched
with a large steel weights placed on my hands,
And beaten with a bamboo cane.
I had the opportunity to meet with Jane Fonda
soon after I was released. I asked her
if she would be willing to debate me on TV.
She never did answer me.
These first-hand experiences do not exemplify
someone who should be honored as part
of "100 Years of Great Women."
Lest we forget..." 100 Years of Great Women"
should never include a traitor whose hands are
covered with the blood of so many patriots.
There are few things I have strong visceral
reactions to, and Hanoi Jane's participation in
blatant treason, is one of them.
Please take the time to forward to as many
people as you possibly can.
It will eventually end up on her computer and
she needs to know that we will never forget.
RONALD D. SAMPSON , CMSgt, USAF
716 Maintenance Squadron, Chief of
Maintenance
DSN: 875-6431
COMM: 883-6343
Not remember, and didn't have to bear the
Burden that our fathers, mothers and older
Brothers and sisters had to bear.
Jane Fonda is being honored as one of the
"100 Women of the Century."
BY BARBRA WALTERS
Unfortunately, many have forgotten and still
countless others have never known how Ms.
Fonda betrayed not only the idea of our country,
but specific men who served and sacrificed
During Vietnam .
The first part of this is fro m an F-4E pilot
The pilot's name is Jerry Driscoll , a River Rat.
In 1968, the former Commandant of the USAF Survival School
was a POW in the Ho Lo Prison, the "Hanoi Hilton.
!
Dragged from a stinking cesspit of a cell,
cleaned, fed, and dressed in clean PJ's, he was
ordered to describe for a visiting American
"Peace Activist" the "lenient and humane
treatment" he'd received.
He spat at Ms. Fonda , was clubbed, and was
Dragged away.
During the subsequent beating, he fell forward
on to the camp Commandant 's feet, which
sent that officer berserk.
In 1978, the Air Force Colonel still suffered from
double vision (which permanently ended his
flying career) from the Commandant's frenzied
application of a wooden baton.
From 1963-65, Col. Larry Carrigan was in the
47FW/DO (F-4E's). He spent 6 years in the
"Hanoi Hilton", the first three of which his
family only knew he was "missing in action".
His wife lived on faith that he was still alive.
His group, too, got the cleaned-up, fed and
clothed routine in preparation for a
"peace delegation" visit.
They, however, had time and devised a plan to
get word to the world that they were alive
and still survived. Each man secreted a tiny
piece of paper, with his Social Security Number
on i t, in the palm of his hand.
When paraded before Ms. Fonda and a
cameraman, she walked the line, shaking each
man's hand and asking little encouraging
snippets like: "Aren't you sorry you bombed
babies?" and "Are you grateful for the humane
treatment from your benevolent captors?"
Believing this HAD to be an act, they each
palmed her their sliver of paper.
She took them all without missing a beat. At the
end of the line and once the camera stopped
rolling, to the shocked disbelief of the POWs,
she turned to the officer in charge and handed
him all the little pieces of paper.
Three men died from the subsequent beatings.
Colonel Carrigan was almost number four
but he survived, which is the only reason we
know of her actions that day.
I was a civilian economic development advisor
in Vietnam , and was captured by the North
Vietnamese communists in South Vietnam in
1968, and held prisoner for over 5 years.
I spent 27 months in solitary confinement; one
year in a cage in Cambodia ; and one year
in a "black box" in Hanoi
My North Vietnamese captors deliberately
poisoned and murdered a female missionary, a
nurse in a leprosarium in Ban me Thuot, South
Vietnam , whom I buried in the jungle near the
Cambodian border.
At one time, I weighed only about 90 lbs.
(My normal weight is 170 lbs.)
We were Jane Fonda 's "war criminals."
When Ja! ne Fonda was in Hanoi , I was asked by
the camp communist political officer if I would
be willing to meet with her.
I said yes, for I wanted to tell her about the real
treatment we POWs received... And how
different it was from the treatment purported by
the North Vietnamese, and parroted by her as
"humane and lenient."
Because of this, I spent three days on a rocky
floor on my knees, with my arms outstretched
with a large steel weights placed on my hands,
And beaten with a bamboo cane.
I had the opportunity to meet with Jane Fonda
soon after I was released. I asked her
if she would be willing to debate me on TV.
She never did answer me.
These first-hand experiences do not exemplify
someone who should be honored as part
of "100 Years of Great Women."
Lest we forget..." 100 Years of Great Women"
should never include a traitor whose hands are
covered with the blood of so many patriots.
There are few things I have strong visceral
reactions to, and Hanoi Jane's participation in
blatant treason, is one of them.
Please take the time to forward to as many
people as you possibly can.
It will eventually end up on her computer and
she needs to know that we will never forget.
RONALD D. SAMPSON , CMSgt, USAF
716 Maintenance Squadron, Chief of
Maintenance
DSN: 875-6431
COMM: 883-6343
Friday, June 12, 2009
"Repaying" Kindness
As you know, I have been struggling with music for two years. I have had a couple of great allies in this for all of that time. One is Trish, My Sister in Law and the other is Mac Morin.
Trish is easy to repay. We go back and forth on encouragement and help all the time. Her help means the world in this and I hope my actions show that, I've tried to help give her kids music.
Mac, on the other hand, is much harder to pay back. So I am trying to pass on that encouragement to other people in the form of one of my clients at work who plays "air violin" and the students of my best friend, Anne in Philadelphia.
Anne's students have by far gotten the most in the way of stuff from me in this endeavor. I sent one guitar a couple of years back and I just sent three more from Amazon.com this week. I'll be sending three more later this summer. Why? because these kids are poor and likely would not have an opportunity to learn music if it were not for Anne teaching them. But she does not have enough guitars so I am trying to help, Because Mac encourages me and I can never pay him back for that, so I am trying to encourage others. I hope that will be enough to say "thank you" to Mac, if he ever finds out.
I hope.
Trish is easy to repay. We go back and forth on encouragement and help all the time. Her help means the world in this and I hope my actions show that, I've tried to help give her kids music.
Mac, on the other hand, is much harder to pay back. So I am trying to pass on that encouragement to other people in the form of one of my clients at work who plays "air violin" and the students of my best friend, Anne in Philadelphia.
Anne's students have by far gotten the most in the way of stuff from me in this endeavor. I sent one guitar a couple of years back and I just sent three more from Amazon.com this week. I'll be sending three more later this summer. Why? because these kids are poor and likely would not have an opportunity to learn music if it were not for Anne teaching them. But she does not have enough guitars so I am trying to help, Because Mac encourages me and I can never pay him back for that, so I am trying to encourage others. I hope that will be enough to say "thank you" to Mac, if he ever finds out.
I hope.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Why I will never shop at JC Penny's again
Tonight I went to JC Penny to shop for clothes. I found a few cute outfits and went to try them on. After I stripped to bra and panties I looked over by the door where the outfits were hanging and noticed a full grown male looking at me over the door. He had apparently gone in to see what his female companion was trying on and had to walk the length of the dressing room to get to her - and took advantage of the "sights" . I got dressed - with out trying anything on and went to talk to the manager.
And was informed that corporate policy says that they can not tell the males to leave! When I protested that I was not there to be a peep show for strange males, I was again told that it's corporate policy that they have the right to be there and I need to get used to it if I want to shop there.
I then argued that if that were the case I should be able to go into the men's dressing room and got informed that no I would not be able to. So I asked the female manager if she was telling me that it was corporate policy that a male's right to get his jollies was more important than woman's rights to safety and comfort while undressed. She refused to answer me and I stormed off.
I will never return to a store that believes that their female customers are available for ogling just because they need new clothes.
And was informed that corporate policy says that they can not tell the males to leave! When I protested that I was not there to be a peep show for strange males, I was again told that it's corporate policy that they have the right to be there and I need to get used to it if I want to shop there.
I then argued that if that were the case I should be able to go into the men's dressing room and got informed that no I would not be able to. So I asked the female manager if she was telling me that it was corporate policy that a male's right to get his jollies was more important than woman's rights to safety and comfort while undressed. She refused to answer me and I stormed off.
I will never return to a store that believes that their female customers are available for ogling just because they need new clothes.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Anne, Mac And Incredible Music and Incredible People.
I took a sorely need personal day from work on Friday and took the train down to Philly to see Anne and attend the Mac Morin and Natalie MacMaster Show.
I left at 7:20 am and got there about 6:30 PM and spent the weekend with Anne. Friday we did nothing but visit - as usual it was fun.
Saturday she indulged me and took me to Valley Forge.
Some of the women who accompanied the soldiers, sitting in front of a fire
The Fog of War - as the Orator called it.
It was a fun day and then we went to Frank's _ home of the BEST cheese steaks anywhere.
After that we went home for a little bit and saw Vic, Anne's Husband and all around nice man for a bit and then headed out to the Mac and Natalie show!
It was FANTASTIC! I really love the fact that She "features" her Band. She lets them have part of the show to show off their individual talents. Mac really shines in this...oh, don't get me wrong he shines, playing with her too, but boy can he carry it by himself. He is simply amazing.
Simply Amazing does not even begin to describe Mac as a person. He is kind, gentle and generous with his time and encouragement. Talking to him always renews my faith in humanity.
When I had issues with my last music teacher , I emailed Mac and he gave great advice. He's been so much help in dealing with the music thing, and probably doesn't know how much of an influence he's been.
And I listen to his cd daily at work. It's what I use to de-stress during lunch. Incredible person, about whom it is not possible to say enough.
He even took a picture with me:
I left at 7:20 am and got there about 6:30 PM and spent the weekend with Anne. Friday we did nothing but visit - as usual it was fun.
Saturday she indulged me and took me to Valley Forge.
Some of the women who accompanied the soldiers, sitting in front of a fire
The Fog of War - as the Orator called it.
It was a fun day and then we went to Frank's _ home of the BEST cheese steaks anywhere.
After that we went home for a little bit and saw Vic, Anne's Husband and all around nice man for a bit and then headed out to the Mac and Natalie show!
It was FANTASTIC! I really love the fact that She "features" her Band. She lets them have part of the show to show off their individual talents. Mac really shines in this...oh, don't get me wrong he shines, playing with her too, but boy can he carry it by himself. He is simply amazing.
Simply Amazing does not even begin to describe Mac as a person. He is kind, gentle and generous with his time and encouragement. Talking to him always renews my faith in humanity.
When I had issues with my last music teacher , I emailed Mac and he gave great advice. He's been so much help in dealing with the music thing, and probably doesn't know how much of an influence he's been.
And I listen to his cd daily at work. It's what I use to de-stress during lunch. Incredible person, about whom it is not possible to say enough.
He even took a picture with me:
Sunday, April 26, 2009
When is stealing not stealing?
In my family it's when one of the males in the family decides he wants something of mine and takes it.
According to mom it's ok that they do that and I need to be "more gracious" about it. And "learn to share" HOWEVER if they pay for something and I want to use it - not keep it, use it - they are also right in saying no.
This time it was my nephew taking things I bought for my work lunches for his fucktoy. So I get to go hungry because he took what wasn't his, and wasn't offered.But I need to be "more gracious" - how about other folks learn to ask before they take..or just not go into other folks stuff to begin with. Oh and it wasn't even the cheap stuff they stole..it was the expensive, organic stuff.
Yeah I "love" my family.
I swear when I get another job, I am moving and not leaving a forwarding address.
According to mom it's ok that they do that and I need to be "more gracious" about it. And "learn to share" HOWEVER if they pay for something and I want to use it - not keep it, use it - they are also right in saying no.
This time it was my nephew taking things I bought for my work lunches for his fucktoy. So I get to go hungry because he took what wasn't his, and wasn't offered.But I need to be "more gracious" - how about other folks learn to ask before they take..or just not go into other folks stuff to begin with. Oh and it wasn't even the cheap stuff they stole..it was the expensive, organic stuff.
Yeah I "love" my family.
I swear when I get another job, I am moving and not leaving a forwarding address.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Some Friendships need to End
I went through my LJ and FB accounts and deleted a few folks from my friends lists. Some people are too far away from what I can tolerate, and not that has nothing to do with your sexuality. Get over yourselves folks - you aren't better than anyone and the ablist attitudes aren't worthy of you. Or rather I am not interested in friendships with folks who think they are better than others based on physical/mental abilities.
For that matter I am equally not interested in your friendship, if you think your better, more worthy or more entitled because you are disabled either.
For that matter I am equally not interested in your friendship, if you think your better, more worthy or more entitled because you are disabled either.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Pursuant to yesterdays post.
http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/developmental_disabilities.cfm It's still used today - so you can't even claim "It's archaic."
Sunday, April 5, 2009
I should stop being surprised but
If you have to use a disability as an insult then it says much more about you than about either the people living with the disability or the folks you are trying to insult. AND it tells me much more about you than I want to know.
Including the fact that you use words that you have no idea what they really mean.
Comments turned off.
Including the fact that you use words that you have no idea what they really mean.
Comments turned off.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Stop playing fucking mind games.
YOU made contact with me..as far as I was concerned you were a favourite singer of mine. you made the effort,,,you made first contact, you went over the line and talked to me about things I should not know. Things I was not comfortable knowing but that you needed to dump on someone. Now you've decided - what I don't know and you've stopped answering me, started deleting messages, started ignoring me altogether. I have no idea what I did wrong, or what happened. This is all you. And it hurts. if I did something that bothers you, or whatever tell me - but for now all I can say is grow up, be a man and stop playing mind games. Mind games, even from a favourite singer hurt. I've done nothing to deserve you hurting me.
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Comments disabled for this post.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Yeah me. Nerd to the core.
Ren Evolution had a Nerd test posted...be being me had to take it. And the one it linked to. As I suspected I scored hi on both.
and
Nerd? Me? Never? He...I revel in my Nerdiness.
and
Nerd? Me? Never? He...I revel in my Nerdiness.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Inaugruration Day 2009
Barak Obama was Inaugurated today. It was historic...because he's Black, African American, whatever the current term is. Personally, I don't care about his race. It did not make me vote for him nor did it prevent me from voting for him.
I watched the Inauguration at work today. The CEO of the company set up a TV in the cafeteria. I made the rounds of all the work rooms that I could reach and told the supervisors to send down anyone interested. There were several who sat enthralled by it. And it gave me chills up and down my spine to watch it, especially in that setting.
The race card is being played up here,,,,the connection to Martin Luther King, Jr and the Civil Rights Movement is played up here and it is a major point in that struggle. HOWEVER the disabled are still denied rights, denied status and often denied even simple acknowledgment. These are the folks who will be the next frontier of the Civil Rights movement - if the Leaders of that movement decide to take up the banner and fight this fight with them. Some of the people who were most enthralled with this are the most seriously disabled. Some have limited abilities to speak or communicate but they sure as hell understand - some of the most Surprising folks sat and watched and cheered when the oaths were finished. ( if you want to know how a non verbal person cheers - one got up and did that "It's good" dance that they do at football games after a field goal...just at the second that Obama completed the oath.)
They understood not only the importance of this moment - "We got a new President." But many understood the significance of having our first Black President.
I was honoured to spend that moment in history in such company.
I watched the Inauguration at work today. The CEO of the company set up a TV in the cafeteria. I made the rounds of all the work rooms that I could reach and told the supervisors to send down anyone interested. There were several who sat enthralled by it. And it gave me chills up and down my spine to watch it, especially in that setting.
The race card is being played up here,,,,the connection to Martin Luther King, Jr and the Civil Rights Movement is played up here and it is a major point in that struggle. HOWEVER the disabled are still denied rights, denied status and often denied even simple acknowledgment. These are the folks who will be the next frontier of the Civil Rights movement - if the Leaders of that movement decide to take up the banner and fight this fight with them. Some of the people who were most enthralled with this are the most seriously disabled. Some have limited abilities to speak or communicate but they sure as hell understand - some of the most Surprising folks sat and watched and cheered when the oaths were finished. ( if you want to know how a non verbal person cheers - one got up and did that "It's good" dance that they do at football games after a field goal...just at the second that Obama completed the oath.)
They understood not only the importance of this moment - "We got a new President." But many understood the significance of having our first Black President.
I was honoured to spend that moment in history in such company.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Job Interview.
I have been unhappy at my job for awhile. Mainly because I am not making it financially and I need to find my own home..not an apartment - a home. But I am not even making rent here which is a paltry $200 a month. I make bills and that's pretty much it.
This job is more physical, more emotionally demanding, more draining on my health than any I have had in a long time.
I have no delusions that the job I am interviewing is more money, more hours and the opportunity to get Over Time...all of which means I can pay rent here, pay off bills faster and go to school to get the education I need to do something decent for the rest of my life.
Wish me luck. I'll need it to get the job and to survive it.
This job is more physical, more emotionally demanding, more draining on my health than any I have had in a long time.
I have no delusions that the job I am interviewing is more money, more hours and the opportunity to get Over Time...all of which means I can pay rent here, pay off bills faster and go to school to get the education I need to do something decent for the rest of my life.
Wish me luck. I'll need it to get the job and to survive it.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Does this sound weird to you?
Mom's out with her sister today, I am home alone. A little bit ago the phone rang and I answered - the conversations went like this.
Me: Hello
Him: Is Irene there?
Me: no, what can I do for you?
Him: Where's Irene?
Me: What are you calling about?
Him: I don't know, I have some papers here....
Me: why are you calling here?
Him: I am doing some home improvement for Irene
Me: She's not here, Wha
Him: Why are you answering the phone if you don't live there? ( note I never told him I did't)
Me: What are you calling about?
Him: I have papers saying to call Irene after 6 or 7. ( it was 1:30 or so)
Me: It's not after 6 or 7 and this is the weekend, she tends to go out those day.
Him: Where is she?
Me: Forcefully hanging up.
Thirty Second Break
Me: Hello
Him: I need to speak to Irene
Me: I already said she's not here.
Him: Why are you being so rude to me?
Me: Listen you are calling here, won't answer what for, you are being rude.
Him: Do you hate yourself, listen go look in the mirror, Do you love yourself?
Me: I am not not answering personal and rude questions
Him: How is that rude? I have notes here to call Irene at XXX- XXXX, on 40 Ourstreet, our town, NY How am I being rude.
Me Forcefully hanging up again.
Frankly I find this a bit odd and more than a bit scary in the scammer sense. Is it just me or would any of that put you off too.
Me: Hello
Him: Is Irene there?
Me: no, what can I do for you?
Him: Where's Irene?
Me: What are you calling about?
Him: I don't know, I have some papers here....
Me: why are you calling here?
Him: I am doing some home improvement for Irene
Me: She's not here, Wha
Him: Why are you answering the phone if you don't live there? ( note I never told him I did't)
Me: What are you calling about?
Him: I have papers saying to call Irene after 6 or 7. ( it was 1:30 or so)
Me: It's not after 6 or 7 and this is the weekend, she tends to go out those day.
Him: Where is she?
Me: Forcefully hanging up.
Thirty Second Break
Me: Hello
Him: I need to speak to Irene
Me: I already said she's not here.
Him: Why are you being so rude to me?
Me: Listen you are calling here, won't answer what for, you are being rude.
Him: Do you hate yourself, listen go look in the mirror, Do you love yourself?
Me: I am not not answering personal and rude questions
Him: How is that rude? I have notes here to call Irene at XXX- XXXX, on 40 Ourstreet, our town, NY How am I being rude.
Me Forcefully hanging up again.
Frankly I find this a bit odd and more than a bit scary in the scammer sense. Is it just me or would any of that put you off too.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
More on Tolerance
I've been thinking a LOT about tolerance lately....mainly due to work issues. And the situation at work has gotten worse. First work developments:
I put decorations on the wall...simple ones,made of construction paper and glue - taped on to the walls. And folks got bent out of shape - even the health care aide from an outside agency got pissy over them because they "violate her beliefs" apparently things like dreidels, deers, candles and evergreens violate some Christian beliefs that I am not aware of. She is ticked that there is no manger scene in them...because there are religious Christian symbols all over the place at work. Heck there is a manger scene in the cafeteria as there is! But she got bent and threatened to report it to her agency as hostile. riiiiiight!
Another thing that has me thinking is the slogan "Tolerance at all costs" - I really don't understand that. What exactly are you tolerating there...unruly kids, those who don't like the unruliness, folks who's lifestyles and beliefs are different than yours, people who hate and live by that hate, who? and why? and what happens when tolerance runs out...what then? Do the tolerators get to "crack down" on the toloratees as has been done historically? Mere Tolerance does not go far enough, IMHO.
Nor, for that matter does acceptance. Acceptance to me smacks of resignation. Not really sure how to word it, but the closest I can come to describing it is _ "I can't make you be what I want you to be so I have to resign myself to it and this is my show of how wonderful I am - see I accept this!" sorry that attitude doesn't cut it either.
I'm not sure what the answer is..but stopping at tolerance and/or acceptance is too little, for many things and uncalled for in others. Somethings should never be tolerated...other things it just doesn't go far enough.
I put decorations on the wall...simple ones,made of construction paper and glue - taped on to the walls. And folks got bent out of shape - even the health care aide from an outside agency got pissy over them because they "violate her beliefs" apparently things like dreidels, deers, candles and evergreens violate some Christian beliefs that I am not aware of. She is ticked that there is no manger scene in them...because there are religious Christian symbols all over the place at work. Heck there is a manger scene in the cafeteria as there is! But she got bent and threatened to report it to her agency as hostile. riiiiiight!
Another thing that has me thinking is the slogan "Tolerance at all costs" - I really don't understand that. What exactly are you tolerating there...unruly kids, those who don't like the unruliness, folks who's lifestyles and beliefs are different than yours, people who hate and live by that hate, who? and why? and what happens when tolerance runs out...what then? Do the tolerators get to "crack down" on the toloratees as has been done historically? Mere Tolerance does not go far enough, IMHO.
Nor, for that matter does acceptance. Acceptance to me smacks of resignation. Not really sure how to word it, but the closest I can come to describing it is _ "I can't make you be what I want you to be so I have to resign myself to it and this is my show of how wonderful I am - see I accept this!" sorry that attitude doesn't cut it either.
I'm not sure what the answer is..but stopping at tolerance and/or acceptance is too little, for many things and uncalled for in others. Somethings should never be tolerated...other things it just doesn't go far enough.
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