Monday, April 30, 2007

And we're back!

I've missed writing. We've not had internet access for the past three days. The ISP screwed up the server switch over and we paid the price. :( I could not post to anything, or even get my email. It drove me batty not to communicate. Funny that. How we do get dependent on technology.
A few thoughts on what I've been up to.
I went to my violin teacher's senior recital. She was great! She's been so worried about it, but I think she sounded wonderful...but what do I know. I am sure she did fine, all the students who worked with her were great too. I wish I had that kind of talent. Vicki is a great person too, very encouraging. Always encouraging. I love her classes, and look forward to them every week. I practice about an hour a day and wish I could do more. Between her and my desire to play with Kyle, it drives me batty not to practice.
I've also been crocheting. I need to get back to stitching, but I have three blankets I want to send to folks. and then I need to catch up on the Christmas Ornaments I want to give as a gift this year. And some book marks. I need to do five book marks and 3 ornaments to catch up. sigh. Then there are baby gifts I need to make...I gotta get cracking.
Sigh.

Friday, April 27, 2007

A Movie *I'll* look forward to.

The Golden Compass is one of my favourite books. I have read it and reread it so many times I've had 4 hardcover copies fall apart. It's coming out as a movie in December...I can't wait.
As part of the pre release "festivities" the website is "pairing" folks with "daemons" as in the book, mine is below :) it actually describes me fairly well.


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Something I need to rewrite.

There is this fiddler that I find much inspiration from listening to. He's one of the folks who made me want to learn and the one who keeps me inspired to keep practicing and learning.
And he's one of the nicest folks I know. I want to tell him how much he's inspired me but I don't have the words. Today I wrote this:

my rant: Why is it so hard to tell you that you've inspired me? To tell you that your music has gotten me through things like 9/11, my father's illness and death and my brother's accident. Why can't I tell you that it was watching the towers fall on 9/11 and listening to your music that made me WANT to learn to play? That the joy and love that you put into your playing has healed and helped and comforted me through some of the worst times in my life. And that your music makes me dream again. Why can't I tell you that I've started lessons again - after having a physically abusive teacher who made me fear learning- I've started again, because of the courage your music gives me. That I listen to you play before and after each lesson, after practices, when I need a boost or a smile or to remember the beauty in life. Why is it so hard to tell you that my biggest dream is to be able to play "tullochgorum" with you?

I know you'd listen, you're that sweet, so why is it so hard?

It's in a rant thread on a msg board I frequent. My friend Anne thinks I should send it as is...I think it needs to be toned down. I am posting it here as a starting point. I'll let you know if it ever comes to fruition.
Sigh

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Old friends + new technology.

I just sent off a note to one of my oldest friends...one I've never met face to face. He lives in Ghana and I in the US and we've been writing so long I don't remember when it was otherwise. He's a few years younger than me but we have so much in common it's not funny - and a lot of it is "shared" history. He was there when I moved out for the first time, he was there when I got and lost my dream job ( the company relocated) and he was there for 9/11 and my dad's death.
He shared his elementary and high school years with me ( we've known each other THAT long) and his marriage and the birth of his daughter..basically our whole lives.
I was in high school when I started writing him and we've been friends ever since. Odd think that I've known him for more years than many of my other friends have been alive and I've never met him in person.
I recently got his email address and added him to my yahoo messenger, new ways to keep in touch. I hope we don't stop writing - pen and paper style - but this could be fun. I've chatted with folks from all over the world before but never someone I know so well. It will be interesting.
New technology brings so many gifts with it, gifts and curses both...let's hope that for this relationship it's more of the gifts that come, shall we?

Monday, April 23, 2007

Let's not compund one tragedy with another



It's coming out that the VA Tech shooter was 'autistic', if true this was one high functioning person with autism. And one very warped one.
I wish folks would realize that it's not the autism that makes or "made" him do this...it's some other type of mental illness ON TOP OF the autism. Most autistic folks are not killers, violent or more likely to commit crimes than others.
The tragedy would be compounded if the general public started viewing folks who suffer with something on the "autism scale" as potential threats and isolated them further. Yeah, they are hard to communicate with, hard to understand but they are not people who need to be feared and condemned by the rest of us...they get that enough with out adding a tag of "potential mass murderer" on top.
Sigh.

A few notes.

I am really enjoying the Zoo membership. I've been twice since I last wrote and Saturday I also joined the science museum - I visited for a bit, it was fantastic and sadly almost abandoned seriously David and I were almost the only ones there. Folks miss so much because they don't see what's in their own back yard.
Having a best friend who has kids she'll "give" me for the day helps too. I would NEVER go to these places alone these days. That's sad too. But for a lone adult to be in "kid" places these days is dangerous. You're viewed with suspicion - just for being there. I am so sick of the attitude that there's something "wrong" with loners or that if you're in a "kid" place you're a threat. And the list of "kid" places is growing. When I was a kid, parks (not playgrounds but PARKS like Como Lake Park ) were for everyone. For those who don't know Como Park as the locals call it is 375 acres of "play space" that has things like baseball diamonds, tennis courts, horse riding, hiking, and cross country ski-ing and in the winter skating and sledding...there's a "river" that folks can canoe in, too. and of course there are several playgrounds scattered through it. It USED to be for all ages...not long ago I was eating lunch about 1,000 yards from the nearest play area, cross stitching and sitting on a chair I brought with me..not talking to anyone, not really bothering anyone. Or so I thought.
About a half hour into this I was confront by a Policeman asking what I thought I was doing. I told him I was waiting for my hotdogs to cook and cross stitching. He told me to leave the park that a lone adult "near" kids was making the parents anxious...I responded that I had not approached any child and had been no closer to any place area than the road I drove in on. He told me either leave or get arrested..and I asked what for. He said "being a danger to kids" I was livid but there was nothing I could do and as I was packing up he told me not to come back that the park "is for families and children, not people like you."
My taxes pay for that park and several others, just like those parents, but I have no right to use it because I have no kids? Where are my rights?
So now if I want to go to places like the zoo, museums, parks, any place really I take a kid..usually my best friend's. David the 14 year old has "gotten" that this attitude is wrong for years. Ever want to get a rant out of him, ask him about how single adults are treated. He'll give you an earful...just for what he's observed.
I loved talking to the man who runs the "connections" room in the science museum. I was really disappointed to find that there are no "hands on" class for adults. everything under the sun for kids- nothing for adults. I asked why..and he didn't know but said he'd mention it to to his boss who handles that stuff. He's also going to mention the idea of getting alternative family memberships. No matter how we configure it I can't get my entire family to the museum or the zoo with one membership. It's insane. With so many weird configurations of living arrangements the Cultural institutions should take notice and offer more options for memberships....it would bring in much needed money and make folks feel more welcome. I was telling this to the young gentleman I was speaking to and he had a "eureka" moment..when he thought about his own family and having the aunts and uncles take the kids rather than the parents. He's got 8 nieces and nephews and because he's not the parent there is NO option for that...why? Nuts is what the thought line of 'we must encourage families to join, not everyone else"
I wonder who comes up with these ideas. really.

Monday, April 16, 2007

So I joined the zoo....

And My best friend/adopted sister and her kids and I went Saturday. We had a ball. Except for the fact that the 4 year old, Colin, continually ran away from us in an effort to see *EVERY*thing. That got tiring. This 45 year old is no longer able to keep up. And Trish was busy with 21 month old.
Seriously we had a ball...I can't wait to go back - hopefully next time we can go to the petting zoo - they call it "the children's zoo" ( why is it if it's fun it's for kids?) - and I plan on petting and trying to feed the sheep. I couldn't care less about any of the other petting Zoo animals ( well maybe the donkey) but I want to pet the sheep. I love sheep. Someday I hope to own a few.
Anyhow, We spent 4.5 hours at the zoo - and didn't see three quarters of it. I am so glad I got the membership, that means we get to go back often. Really often. Yay!

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Just another way of saying "You're NOT worthy" or why I hate holidays.

So mom decided she has to have 20 people over tomarrow for the "holiday' as she calls it.
She went did the shopping but for got a few things...she decided the remedy for this was to take what I have. now she knows that I have NO extra money to replace what she takes. When I protested this she says 'I'll replace it when I go shopping next payday, until then do with out" I looked at her and said "of course *I* should do with out" ( What I didn't say was : even tho I have what *I* need, bought out of *my* money because it's not stuff she regularly uses and won't buy, every time her guests want something I am supposed to fork it over cheerfully) Pay day by the way is two weeks away and it's when I'll have money to replace what she takes.
She feels that if I have it, it's hers to use as she wills and damned with me....she's upstairs now slamming doors and pots and pans having a right proper temper tantrum because I told her I should not have to go with out for two weeks because she won't buy the stuff she needs for her guests. This attitude of mine is "selfish" I am told and She also say " I certainly appreciate you ruining every holiday we have"because you know I am not good enough to keep what I buy anyhow. Damn I wish I had been aborted.

Edited to Add:
This is stuff like lemon juice - that she need like 3 cups worth of for homemade cheese cake, cream that she needs the entire half gallon and things like that. Cream she buys in a pint sized container and I am not allowed to use. Last time I use enough cream for one cup of coffee she demanded and entire quart in replacement and then told me I am "never to use her stuff again," if I "want it buy it yourself" Lemon Juice she refuses to buy period, since she "doesn't use it" but the amount she needs means I don't get to have tea with lemon, til I replace it in two weeks. And this happens each and every time she has guests over.
Last time she had her friends over for "the day" ( read the bingo workers from church- 25 in all- for two meals) she took my month's supply of tea - not the red rose variety either but stuff like Republic of Tea and offered it to them - I ended up having to replace it, Because she "Just didn't get around to picking it up".
I pay rent, grocery money and chip in for bills, but anything that is out of the ordinary for her I have to buy out of my spending money - yet she feels free to take it. I am sick of it

Monday, April 2, 2007

Betrayal

I don't trust easily. or often. But I trusted K. and K betrayed that trust. I found out about it Thursday. It's taken me this long to be able to form coherent sentences about it with out a plethora of swearing. Well, the sentences with swear words were not really coherent either....just strings of 4 letter words strung together.
Here's what happened.
I've known K for a few years and she always seemed to be one of the few folks who were *always* on my side...not in agreement with me, but always trying to get me to be my best, to do my best, to never "settle" for less, if you know what I mean. I'd learned to run things by her when I was unsure of things, or needed an opinion or a new perspective. She'd tell me point blank if I was in the wrong or my family was or if I were over reacting to things at work or whatever. So I asked her to be my medical power of attorney if anything should ever happen.
And me being me, I like the best of accommodations - so I started a savings account to be used for that eventuality... to get things like a private room, TV, an extra nightgown, food that I wanted from the "outside" - you know the little luxeries of life.
Thursday I went to the bank to put more money in and found out the account had been closed by K. Livid does not begin to describe When I confronter her, she used the excuse that her kids needed things and "it was for my eventual use, wasn't it?" umm, no it was for mine.
Needless to say I pressed charges. She was arrested and charged with petty theft and spent the night in jail. Over the weekend she contacted my boss and tried to pressure him into getting me to drop the charges "for the sake of the kids", not going to work, he has NO say in it. Zero.
Today she showed up at work with a cop trying to "work it out" - what's there to work out? you stole, now take responsibility and pay the consequences.
His folks will take the kids, they'll raise the kids with limits and an example they need to live up to, not down to. And they will probably end up being better people for being with them.
But I do feel badly for the kids. They love their mom and she uses them. She makes other folks hate and fear them because she uses them as weapons "do what I say or never see them again.", or " If you don't help the kids will suffer" and they did too, both monetarily and emotionally.
I hate her at this point, and I hate myself for hating her. But she's killed our friendship and she's "killed" the person I thought I knew. This new creature hasn't even said she's sorry - to me or to the kids.
at the very least -doesn't she owe THEM an apology?

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Meme

I haven't posted in awhile. been too angry for words...perimenopause certainly magnifies everything. So I thought I'd post this.
1. Do you sleep with your bedroom door open or closed?
Closed..locked if possible

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
yeah.

3. What do you do?
you mean for a job? I work for a Catholic priest. But I do much more than that

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Nope

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
no

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
sometimes.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Bear, I am allergic to bees

8. Do you like BBQ sauce on top of your potatoes?
ewww

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
no

10. What is your biggest fear?
people

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
fitted sheet on the bottom, no top sheet, blankets never...I sleep with my feet off the bed , most of the time

12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
not normallly

13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
yes.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Yes, if I"m alone.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
yeah

(Hmm, 16 is missing)

17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
no

18. What is your "Song of the week"?
Tullochgorum

19. Is it ok for guys to wear pink?
Yes.

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
hated 'em even asa kid
21. What's your favorite scary movie?
Not into scarey movies

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Cape Breton

23. What do you drink with dinner?
Milk

(Oh, where's 24?)

25. What is your favorite food/cuisine?
Chinese

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Harry Potter

(Anyone seen 27?)

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Both

(What about 29?)

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?
I am writing one to John in Ghana Now.
31. Can you change the oil on a car?
Yes, and the brakes, Battery Cables and 'Plugs.
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
several

33. Ran out of gas?
yup

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?
Rueban

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Porridge when I can get it.
36. What is your usual bedtime?
I have a bedtime?

37. Are you lazy?
Damn right.

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
astronaut, nurse, Batman,Robin.

(39 has gone AWOL as well)

40. How many languages can you speak?
not enough

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Nope.

42.Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
legos


43. Are you stubborn?
yeah

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Neither

(Yikes! 45 is missing)

46. Afraid of heights?
Who am I with>
47. Sing in the car?
not often enough
(48, no 48.)

49. Dance in the car?
nope.

50. Ever used a gun?
yes,

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
high school

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
nope

53. Is Christmas stressful?
hate it

54. Ever eat a pierogie?
lots and they're great.

55. Favorite fruit pie?
BlueBerry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a child?
Historian, Dr, Acheologist, Marine Biologist, Librarian

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
yes

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
yuppers

59. Take a vitamin daily?
do I take *anything* daily?

60. Wear slippers?
yes

(61 is gone off somewhere)

62. What do you wear to bed?
the blankets.

(63 has buggered off with 61, perhaps?)

64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
target, but I prefer Zellers

(Wow, two in a row, 65 AND 66)

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
both, please

68. Ever hear of "gorp"?
Yes, but not sure what it is.

69. Ever take dance lessons?
unfortunately
70. Last time you threw up?
umm, those details you don't want

71. Can you curl your tongue?
no

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
nope

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
yeah, After talking to Mac.

74. Own any record albums?
Many

(Never much liked 75 anyway)

76. Do you burn incense?
yes

(77 is gone, gone, gone)

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
Bara Mac Neils, Mac Morin, Ian MacDougall.

(How's about 79)

80. Hot tea or cold tea?
both

81. Tea or coffee?
both

82. Favorite kind of cookie?
Molasses

83. Can you swim well?
yeah

84. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
yeah

85. Are you patient?
no
86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
DJ

(Another one gone, 87)

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
no
89. Which are better black or green olives?
.black
90. Can you knit or crochet?
I can crochet and am struggling to knit

91. Best room for a fireplace?
Kitchen

92. Do you want to get married?
no

(Looksee, no 93)

94. Who was your Middle School crush?
Oh lordy, I can't remember that far back.
(Two in a row, 95 and 96)

97. Do you want kids?
NO!

98. What are your favorite colors?
BLue, black

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
ANne, Stacy, Lucy, Mac, Ian.

100. What do you want more than anything right now?
Win the Lottery and move to Cape Breton.


(Post a new comment)

nebula99
2007-03-13 10:40 am UTC (link)
LOL I didn't even notice any were missing! Doh!

18. What is your "Song of the week"?
Tullochgorum


21. What's your favorite scary movie?
hate them .
Need a Snow Day?