I prefer to work out immediately after work. Today I had to change it. I was supposed to meet with Dave the personal trainer there to talk about a 12 week fitness program/getting into a Personal Training Program/Triathlon Training. Well his boss double booked him so I could not meet with him. I rescheduled for Friday rather than meet with some one else who could not answer the questions I have. So Friday at 6:30 I will meet with this guy.
Violin lesson went well - better than I hoped. My big issue with violin is rhythm - I have none. Seriously. But We've been working on it for almost two years now..with this teacher. I had another teacher before, but she moved to California and I lucked out with this one tho, he's good. And patient and if we weren't teacher/student we could be real friends. Oh, I still have days when I feel like quitting - I've walked out twice in tears of frustration, but never like it was with the flute teacher. He doesn't TRY to make feel stupid or whatever. Frustration is part of music, it just is. ( and to make that point even clearer to me tonight,,, during my violin lesson I could hear my flute teacher - the one I quit studying with - kicking and screaming and hitting the wall and throwing things in frustration - while she was practicing her piece for her auditions. I think I dodged a bullet with her, between her telling me that I was argumentative and other things, and her outbursts today, I really thing I was lucky to get out of there unscathed.) Any how back to what I was saying.
Today Greg, decided to tackle the rhythm thing again rather than showing me a new technique or playing something with me - we practiced rhythms for the full hour. It went better than it usually does.
He also asked me about recording a cd for my own records. I told him I wanted to get Piper's cave, perfectly as well as a few other songs before I did that and he agreed to wait for it - I want to give it to Kyle, the man who inspired me to learn, who keeps me inspired to practice - If I can convince myself that it would not be pushing the boundaries too far and/or that he would want it.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
A Barra's show a near perfect day.
Trish and I went to see them again, for the first time since December and I've been worried about it since. I was petrified to go, but I felt I needed to for my own peace of mind and to see what it would be like afterwards. It turned out better than I had even dreamed of.
Lucy is amazing,,, I told her I was afraid to come and she looked at Trish and said "you'd think she'd be over that by now." and settled in for a long chat. I love her. Kyle said basically the same thing. Stewart was Stewart...he is the gentlest man I know and I feel really safe around him. I don't feel safe often, either. Like next to never. Sheumas was really warm - like nothing had ever happened - and Boyd was Boyd, talkative an encouraging.
And Trish pulled Ryan aside and spoke to him about what had happened and said it "should not have been that easy." According her ( I was not there to hear this) he was very gracious about it and told her that I should not have been upset about it, and that I should not have worried about. - He really does not know me. She was impressed with him and so was I went I got around to speaking to him. Just a very light, simple conversation but he was sweet about it. Honestly I did not expect him to be so nice about it... and I was impressed. Maybe he'll actually respect the fact that I don't like hugs, except from Stewart and Lucy. We'll see.
Lucy is amazing,,, I told her I was afraid to come and she looked at Trish and said "you'd think she'd be over that by now." and settled in for a long chat. I love her. Kyle said basically the same thing. Stewart was Stewart...he is the gentlest man I know and I feel really safe around him. I don't feel safe often, either. Like next to never. Sheumas was really warm - like nothing had ever happened - and Boyd was Boyd, talkative an encouraging.
And Trish pulled Ryan aside and spoke to him about what had happened and said it "should not have been that easy." According her ( I was not there to hear this) he was very gracious about it and told her that I should not have been upset about it, and that I should not have worried about. - He really does not know me. She was impressed with him and so was I went I got around to speaking to him. Just a very light, simple conversation but he was sweet about it. Honestly I did not expect him to be so nice about it... and I was impressed. Maybe he'll actually respect the fact that I don't like hugs, except from Stewart and Lucy. We'll see.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
I've always thought she was Looney
My mom that is. No Woman can be that misogynistic with out being at least slight crazy. No Woman.
Bully Brother ( BB henceforth) has been here since Thursday night. Acting like an ass to me the entire time. I mean that....Donkey's have better manners than he does. He came in after midnight Thursday and stomped around, tossed, literally tossed his suitcase in his room, stomped some more, blasted the TV and then stomped some more..woke me up from a sleep or near sleep four times.
Friday I went out with my Best Friend and her kids to the park so I didn't see him...told mom what he;d been up to the night before and she said "ignore him, it's not what he does it's how you react to it, that's the problem." And then she admonished me to "be quiet, BB is asleep" this at 10:30am. Came home around dinner time and hid in the basement ( I live there, long story) til about 9 and came up and mom and I were watching a program, I laying on the couch. Program was nearly over and BB comes in and "asks" me to move...because he wanted to sit there. Now there are other chairs and tables in the room, but he HAD to have the one I am on...simply because I am on it. Can't say no or mom will pitch a fit about how badly I treat him. Always does. So I went back down stairs and went to bed. at 10 pm ( Usually I am up til much later on a weekend. )
Friday night more stomping around and keeping me awake. Saturday morning I left, went to the Y and came back before he was even up. Stayed down stairs and cleaned til he left. Took mom's "advice" and totally ignored him. Completely and totally. And got yelled at for that. And told to change my attitude. Note: I have not slept in two days because of his antics and only had a PBJ to eat in that time, but it's my *attitude* that needs changing...me thinks it needs to be safe for me to eat and I need to be allowed to sleep before anything can change.
Today the day started out with mom informing that folks were coming for Easter ( which is her holiday not mine, I am Buddhist, not Christian) at 2 and I told her I'd be downstairs. She flipped and told me that I "would not ruin the holiday and that I would be there and that my attitude needs to change. It's a family occasion" and I replied that "It's my holiday too" and that "I am an adult." She replied that "You are part of the family, you live here, you will be upstairs with us." and "it's a family occasion and you are part of this family." And I replied "So I get to get tortured because I am part of the family?" And she again said 'They are your family. You are part of the family. you will be there." and she turned and left.
[ I can not stress how much I hate group things...much less "family" things. Usually participating in "family" things means BB gets his way, I get picked on - told I am fat ( and he has told me this since I was 14, swimming competitively and so skinny that not only could you see my muscles and ribs but all of my vertebrae as well ) farted on or in my face, had food taken from me, had my wallet gone through and played keep away with ( this is "brotherly love" - yet if I take his stuff it's wrong), ect, ect,ect. ]
About two hours later - mom goes in early and stays late because she serves Mass - mom comes down and tell me "God spoke to me during Mass and told me to apologize to you. I don't understand you, but you're an adult and you can do what you think is right today." I tried to explain to her why I don't like these things and she came back with "But their you're family!" and so forth. I tried to talk to her a bout BB and she again defended him....turned and left and said "God told me to apologize to you and I did."
So I spent the day alone, didn't eat anything til after they were finished and then helped clean up while everyone else was relaxing.
So really, how bad does it have to be for God himself to tell you to apologize to your daughter?
I am just grateful something got her off my back today
Bully Brother ( BB henceforth) has been here since Thursday night. Acting like an ass to me the entire time. I mean that....Donkey's have better manners than he does. He came in after midnight Thursday and stomped around, tossed, literally tossed his suitcase in his room, stomped some more, blasted the TV and then stomped some more..woke me up from a sleep or near sleep four times.
Friday I went out with my Best Friend and her kids to the park so I didn't see him...told mom what he;d been up to the night before and she said "ignore him, it's not what he does it's how you react to it, that's the problem." And then she admonished me to "be quiet, BB is asleep" this at 10:30am. Came home around dinner time and hid in the basement ( I live there, long story) til about 9 and came up and mom and I were watching a program, I laying on the couch. Program was nearly over and BB comes in and "asks" me to move...because he wanted to sit there. Now there are other chairs and tables in the room, but he HAD to have the one I am on...simply because I am on it. Can't say no or mom will pitch a fit about how badly I treat him. Always does. So I went back down stairs and went to bed. at 10 pm ( Usually I am up til much later on a weekend. )
Friday night more stomping around and keeping me awake. Saturday morning I left, went to the Y and came back before he was even up. Stayed down stairs and cleaned til he left. Took mom's "advice" and totally ignored him. Completely and totally. And got yelled at for that. And told to change my attitude. Note: I have not slept in two days because of his antics and only had a PBJ to eat in that time, but it's my *attitude* that needs changing...me thinks it needs to be safe for me to eat and I need to be allowed to sleep before anything can change.
Today the day started out with mom informing that folks were coming for Easter ( which is her holiday not mine, I am Buddhist, not Christian) at 2 and I told her I'd be downstairs. She flipped and told me that I "would not ruin the holiday and that I would be there and that my attitude needs to change. It's a family occasion" and I replied that "It's my holiday too" and that "I am an adult." She replied that "You are part of the family, you live here, you will be upstairs with us." and "it's a family occasion and you are part of this family." And I replied "So I get to get tortured because I am part of the family?" And she again said 'They are your family. You are part of the family. you will be there." and she turned and left.
[ I can not stress how much I hate group things...much less "family" things. Usually participating in "family" things means BB gets his way, I get picked on - told I am fat ( and he has told me this since I was 14, swimming competitively and so skinny that not only could you see my muscles and ribs but all of my vertebrae as well ) farted on or in my face, had food taken from me, had my wallet gone through and played keep away with ( this is "brotherly love" - yet if I take his stuff it's wrong), ect, ect,ect. ]
About two hours later - mom goes in early and stays late because she serves Mass - mom comes down and tell me "God spoke to me during Mass and told me to apologize to you. I don't understand you, but you're an adult and you can do what you think is right today." I tried to explain to her why I don't like these things and she came back with "But their you're family!" and so forth. I tried to talk to her a bout BB and she again defended him....turned and left and said "God told me to apologize to you and I did."
So I spent the day alone, didn't eat anything til after they were finished and then helped clean up while everyone else was relaxing.
So really, how bad does it have to be for God himself to tell you to apologize to your daughter?
I am just grateful something got her off my back today
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