So sick of it all.

School is coming to an end. I don't feel good about this semester at.all. Not. at.all. I am sick and tired of being stressed and ticked off all the time. Most of the ticked off-edness is at the music teacher I just dropped. I just can't seem to let go of the anger. So I am writing about it here...as it is affecting everything else in my life. Stupid, eh? I put up with his sit for years with good graces and now I can't let go of it? Wonder what that's about. I hurt inside, I hate giving up on dreams - I hate that I can't play as well as I want but I am convinced if the damned teacher would answer questions and listen to what I was trying to say - or even let me play over the past year or so. Why practice if you are out and out banned from playing the pieces you like, or even trying them? And yes, I am an adult...and did play the things I like, but the same pieces over and over and never having questions answered about techniques does not lead to even the smallest progress. I needed feedback got not, and no real teaching. Sigh. Just recordings, and work from the recordings - like that really gives feed back. I am tired and heart sore. How does one get over the death of a dream? So many people have gone through so much,,,and come out so much better than I...not angry and wanting to slap something. Can't do that...but is anger violence of another sort and how does one release it it harmlessly? Sigh. The world does not need more anger. It needs healing, I need healing from this and so much else- but the first step is to let go and forgive. how to do that, how to do that?

Sigh,,,,Music Lesson Woes.

I am writing this because I am dropping lessons with GregXXXXX, and I thought I should let folks know what led to this. While Greg has many good points as a teacher, I no longer feel emotionally “safe” in his presence – and this has been the situation for some time. He openly mocks what the type of music I like and that I want to play, he discourages me from the pieces I enjoy practicing – even if they are in *addition* to what our lessons consist of, rather than instead of ( and I always do what he asks, even to the point of taking dance lessons, ect). He tries to discourage me from continuing to try and play with others, or even working towards that goal. He refuses to control the flow of students so that one is not overstaying into another student’s time. Nor will he deal with children who are being disturbances to a student’s lesson, but becomes upset when a paying student expects these interruptions dealt with – a private lesson should be just that = private. Last night when some lady came and just opened the door and started talking with “What ya doing, Gregg” he chatted to her about the new recorder I had just purchased (at his repeated suggestion) and explained to her (much more than to me, although he tries to claim, he was also explaining to me – during my “private” lesson) and then when I asked why this was allowed, he said “Don’t take it out on me, I can’t control what happens!” – That is his job, to say “I am teaching now, I can’t talk” – so I put my chair in front of the door so we could not be interrupted again – and again he got ticked. My position should have made no difference – as he was recording as he does most lessons, I did not need to even see the exercise as he was the only one playing. At the end of the lesson he tapped on my iPhone (I have no problem with him touching it but,) and told me I can no longer record the lessons on it. I have been recording my lessons since AT LEAST January of 2008 – mainly because of his antics. Many times I have left in tears because of his statements in lessons….Many times I started significantly late because the student before me does not want to leave, he has used my lesson time to write out work for the student before me – and he’s also nodded off during my lessons on several occasions. He has also walked out of a lesson because I asked a question he did not like. He decided that it was “disrespectful” when he knew it was something I had asked about several times before, but never explained. Also on the subject of lessons, for most of my lessons for the past year or so _ I have done nothing more than sit and listen while he records, which would be fine once in a while…but rarely do I get to play ( and there for get actual feedback – feedback is rare and has been for ages.). Back on the subject of the “lesson” of 12-4-13, after he told me I could no longer record, I told I was going to (again because of his past actions and statements on revious occasions) and he told me he would not teach me anymore, so I left the handouts from that days lesson, and left – I asked for Rudy,, and then Rose and on being told they were not there I asked for who was in charge. Peter Gerace, said he was and I told him that Greg was not going to teach me anymore and Greg came out and said something. I don’t know what. At some point I reached my car – only to have Greg follow me out and try to hand me the papers I had left – I refused and he reached in the car and tossed them on the seat. I picked them up and went inside – because I was not having a confrontation with a much larger man outside on the street. And he followed me back in started talking again about how rude I am, he then informed me that he will only “teach” by recording on one specific recorder, that allows him to start and stop it and cut out the interstitial conversations where he insults and disparages. and when he left his parting comment was “Look at how good you are after 7 years. 7 Years. That will tell you everything.” And left. So he took time out of another student’s lesson to argue and insult someone who had already left. He claims he “always treats me with respect” but I have recordings of him actively discouraging me – so much so that I asked someone else to listen to the lessons in case I was mis-interpreting what he was saying – she had the same impression, that he was actively being insulting. I also have comments he hand wrote in my notebook, mocking the type of music I like – changing the name of pieces, changing the name of the geographic area, ect. While these things may not seem like much on a time basis….they are continual and as such amount to a much larger problem. This is not a person I feel safe being alone in a room with – I have had enough of being bullied by him. Therefore, although I am sad to do so, I am discontinuing my lessons. I have enjoyed my years of lessons at Village and most of your staff is wonderful, but I unless there is another violin teacher who will not mock student’s aspirations and musical preferences – then I cannot see my staying with Greg- or any violin teacher who will not let me record with the recorder that does all the interstitial conversations. I have not had the need to record with any other teacher but after studying with Greg, I feel it is necessary with a violin teacher- both because of the fear of their comments and the complexity of the lessons (I can’t take notes in a music lesson), I need to be able to have something to refer to at home.